I'm calling on every decent person to boycott the movie Contagion for its reckless disregard for reality and common sense. I am, of course, talking about the slander committed against Minneapolis, Minnesota, where part of the film was set.

Let me highlight some of the most egregious crimes committed against my home city. There are some minor spoilers below, but that shouldn't matter because, as you will see, my proposed boycott is warranted.

1. Overstatement: Minneapolis has a population of about 380,000, not the 1,000 percent exaggerated claim of 3.3 million in the film. Perhaps they meant the greater Seven County Metropolitan Area, but they should have said that if that's what they meant and any Minneapolitan would immediately correct such a careless oversight.
2. Giant plot hole: the disease in the film is purportedly spread through contact with other people. It is logically impossible for this disease to break out there since Minnesotans never have contact with other people if it can be at all avoided.
3. Characters don't act like rational Minnesotans: when the Governor somehow declares a quarantine on the entire State of Minnesota, Matt Damon's character and his daughter try and fail to flee to Wisconsin. Not only would that be the sixth choice for a Minnesotan in the real world¹, but there are only like 12 bridges to Wisconsin for the military to barricade and nearly 300 miles along the wide-open Iowa border.
4. A scene of unsupervised teenage co-ed snow angel making? I won't even dignify that filth with a response.
5. Unhelpful government officials: while dead bodies are piling up everywhere, the unidentified elected officials in Minnesota would only rudely respond with: "well, how are we going to pay for that?"²
6. Minnesotans looting? What's next, talking unicorns? Don't even get me started on Matt Damon's character desperately breaking into his neighbor's home to steal their easily accessible shotgun. A real Minnesotan would never do this since he probably didn't have a license to possess that kind of firearm.

To be fair, I suppose that if you can somehow see past all of the reality-defying plot holes and criminally slanderous portrayals of Minnesotans, you might actually enjoy this film. I kinda did.

¹ In order, the top six choices would be: 1) Iowa, 2) South Dakota, 3) Canada, 4) Die from either the virus or violent mob in Minnesota, 5) North Dakota, 6) Wisconsin.

² That might actually be plausible now, but for the sake of my screed, let's assume they filmed this before the 2010 election.